On Friday night Hubby and I decided to meet Drama at his favorite bar for a few drinks after work before we went to dinner. Drama’s been working some really long hours so we didn’t think we’d be there long.
Three hours, a bowl of peanuts, three staggering trips to the bathroom, and several drinks later, the three of us are loudly and obnoxiously discussing our favorite of Drama’s ex-girlfriends. Hubby voted for the woman who used to scream into the phone when she would call, “IS DRAMA THERE?!!!”. We used to joke that she must be deaf. Then, we found out she really was partially deaf. Awkward.
My pick was the woman who used to drive the low rider ice cream truck complete with spinning rims, and a noise ordinance-breaking sound system:
She would drive around town in this pimped out ice cream truck while blasting songs such as “Back Dat Ass Up” and Kelis’s ”Milkshake“. But, wait. It gets classier. She used to have a penchant for thong underwear, and if some kid was lucky enough to order the Sponge Bob Square Pants popsicle, he would also receive a up close and personal view of most of her ass crack. It was like two treats for the price of one.
Drama’s newest interest is a woman he works with. According to him she is beautiful, nice, and funny. The problem? We’re not sure if she’s a man or a woman. You see, the rumor at Drama’s work is that this woman is a cross dresser. No problem.
Using Drama’s experience with classy women and my experience with tranny’s we came up with the following comprehensive “Chick or Dick” checklist which we wrote out on a bar napkin. Keep in mind that Drama can’t get a up close look at this woman because he heard in the last sexual harassment prevention class that getting too close can be “creepy”:
- Tell a funny (not dirty) joke. Does she responded with a Geisha-like giggle or Santa Clause belly chuckle?
- Do her hands appear soft and delicate or are you looking at gnarly sausage fingers?
- Is there ever any adjustment of a “package”?
That’s it. That’s all we got.
I was going to call Drama this morning and tell him he should just follow her to the bathroom, but I decided against it. I’m curious to see whether or not our Chick or Dick checklist works. I’ll keep you posted.
P.S. I missed you guys.